Jesus Christ, having been arrested in the Garden of Gethsemane by the Temple Guards through the guidance of Judas Iscariot, is brought to the house of Annas, who is father-in-law of the current high priest, Caiaphas. There he is interrogated with little result, and sent bound to Caiaphas the high priest, where the Sanhedrin had assembled (John 18:1-24).

Conflicting testimony against Jesus is brought forth by many witnesses, to which Jesus answers nothing. Finally the high priest adjures Jesus to respond under solemn oath, saying "I adjure you, by the Living God, to tell us, are you the Anointed One, the Son of God?" Jesus testifies in the affirmative, "You have said it, and in time you will see the Son of Man seated at the right hand of the Almighty, coming on the clouds of Heaven." The high priest condemns Jesus for blasphemy, and the Sanhedrin concurs with a sentence of death (Matthew 26:57-66).

In the morning the whole assembly brings Jesus to the Roman governor Pontius Pilate, under charges of subverting the nation, opposing taxes to Caesar, and making himself a king (Luke 23:1-2). Pilate authorizes the Jewish leaders to judge Jesus according to their own Law and execute sentencing, however the Jewish leaders reply that they are not allowed by the Romans to carry out a sentence of death (John 18:31).

Pilate questions Jesus, and tells the assembly that there is no basis for sentencing. Upon learning that Jesus is from Galilee, Pilate refers the case to the ruler of Galilee, King Herod, who was in Jerusalem for the Passover Feast. Herod questions Jesus but receives no answer; Herod sends Jesus back to Pilate. Pilate tells the assembly that neither he nor Herod have found guilt in Jesus; Pilate resolves to have Jesus whipped and released (Luke 23:3-16).

It was a custom during the feast of Passover for the Romans to release one prisoner as requested by the Jews. Pilate asks the crowd who they would like to be released. Under the guidance of the chief priests, the crowd asks for Barabbas, who had been imprisoned for committing murder during an insurrection. Pilate asks what they would have him do with Jesus, and they demand, "Crucify him" (Mark 15:6-14). Pilate's wife had seen Jesus in a dream earlier that day; she forewarns Pilate to "have nothing to do with this righteous man" (Matthew 27:19).

Pilate has Jesus flogged, then brings him out to the crowd to release him. The chief priests inform Pilate of a new charge, demanding Jesus be sentenced to death "because he claimed to be God's son." This possibility filled Pilate with fear, and he brought Jesus back inside the palace and demanded to know from where he came (John 19:1-9).

Coming before the crowd one last time, Pilate declares Jesus innocent, washing his own hands in water to show he has no part in this condemnation. Nevertheless, Pilate hands Jesus over to be crucified in order to forestall a riot (Matthew 27:24-26). The sentence written is "Jesus of Nazareth, King of the Jews." Jesus carries his cross to the site of execution, called the place of the Skull, or "Golgotha" in Hebrew and "Calvary" in Latin. There he is crucified along with two criminals (John 19:17-22).

Jesus agonizes on the cross for three hours while the sun is darkened. With a loud cry, Jesus gives up his spirit. There is an earthquake, tombs break open, and the curtain in the Temple is torn from top to bottom. The centurion on guard at the site of crucifixion declares, "Truly this was God's Son!" (Matthew 27:45-54)

Joseph of Arimathea, a member of the Sanhedrin and secret follower of Jesus, who had not consented to his condemnation, goes to Pilate to request the body of Jesus (Luke 23:50-52). Pilate asks confirmation from the centurion whether Jesus is dead (Mark 15:44). A soldier pierced the side of Jesus with a lance causing blood and water to flow out (John 19:34), and the centurian informs Pilate that Jesus is dead (Mark 15:45).

Joseph of Arimathea takes the body of Jesus, wraps it in a clean linen shroud, and places it in his own new tomb that had been carved in the rock (Matthew 27:59-60) in a garden near the site of crucifixion. Another secret follower of Jesus and member of the Sanhedrin named Nicodemus (John 3:1) also came bringing 75 pounds of myrrh and aloes, and places them in the linen with the body of Jesus, according to Jewish burial customs (John 19:39-40). They rolled a large rock over the entrance of the tomb (Matthew 27:60). Then they returned home and rested, because at sunset began the Sabbath (Luke 23:54-56).

生物课上老师提问：青蛙和癞蛤蟆有什么区别？

张三回答：青蛙是保守派，坐井观天；而癞蛤蟆是革新派，想吃天鹅肉。

２、分担痛苦

老师问学生：怎么解释“与人分担痛苦，会使痛苦减半呢？”

小伦回答说：“如果我爸爸揍我，我就揍他的猫！”

３、长相

老师布置了一道题：请用四个字概括自己的长相。卷子收上来后，学生们的答案分几种：

批判主义派的答案有：偶尔正确、惨不忍睹、我恨苍天、我想来世等。

写实主义派的答安有：两栖动物、猩猩他哥、人猿盗版，返祖现象等。

现代派的有：鬼斧神工、问我老婆等。

而惟一的一份超现实主义派的答案是——竟然是人。

４、校长更黑

新生入学军训时接受校长的检阅。

“同学们好！”

“校长好！”

“同学们辛苦了！”

“为人民服务！”

“同学们晒黑了！”

新生们顿时语塞，不知如何回答。沉默片刻后，一男生大声回答：“校长更黑！”

５、句式转换

老师：“请把‘马儿跑了’这句话转换成疑问句。”

小伊万：“马儿会跑吗？”

老师：“正确！很好！现在把它转换成祈使句。”

小伊万：“驾！”

６、无题

室友眼睛近视，常占第一排座位，又苦于高数老师说话口沫飞溅，难以抵挡。一日她对我说：高数老师低头讲课，第一排桌子全湿了；高数老师抬头讲课，第二排桌子就全湿了。我当场晕倒。  

７、政治犯

班主任张老师怒气冲冲地走进教室，厉声说道：“你们叫我语文张，我忍了；新来的政治老师范老师，你们为什么叫她政治犯（范）呢？”

８、宿舍别解

小雷带着一个来找他的高中同学参观大学宿舍，他指着路左边的宿舍楼群说：“这是女生宿舍区，叫织女星系。”指着路右边的宿舍楼群说：“那是男生宿舍区，叫牛郎星系。”又指着脚下的路说：“这条路叫银河路。”

这时，主管学生宿舍的女干部面无表情地经过，小雷悄悄地说：“这位是王母娘娘。”

９、挂钟

大学里有间教室，里面的挂钟有问题，只要被东西敲到就会愈走愈快，敲一次就快５分钟。

一天教授上课，发现同学们都趁他在黑板上写字的时候用橡皮丢挂钟，但教授却不声张，依旧按钟上下课。没过多久，期末考试到了，大伙都埋头考试，只见教授拿着黑板擦在那儿练习丢钟。

１０、       改变世界

地理老师质问廉尼：为什么没有完成世界地图的描绘作业？

廉尼低头回答：我怕我画的地图会改变世界。

 1１、求知欲

老师问道：”孩子们，你们想知道第一个人是怎样出现的吗？“ 小伊万从后排站起来，回答道：”女士，其实我们更感兴趣的是世界上第三个人是怎以出来的。“

１２、人身保险

讲授经济学的老师正讲到被保险人与受益人的关系问题，为了更形象一点儿，他举了个例子：“比如说我投了人身保险，有一天我不幸被车撞死了，你们师母就可以获得赔偿金。她就是受益人，那么我是什么人？”一个同学回答道：“死人。”

１３、难不倒

一位教授对一名智力早熟的小男孩说：“你的生日是哪一天的？”

答：“４月８日”

教授说：“哪一年。”

答：“每一年。”

１４、保险措施

化学实验刚发下来，同学们争看老师的评语。只听甲拿起乙的念起来：“当浓硫酸滴到皮肤上时，应先用布擦干，再用大量的水冲洗，再用布擦干，再喷上些香水，再涂上一层玉米油护肤膏。”

老师批示道：“还要不要桑拿，按摩？”

１５、做笔记

为考英语四级，大家都赶紧拼命学英语，一些笔记都不得不在其他专业课上做。

某日，历史老师发现台下一生忙得不亦乐乎，心中诧异，遂走下讲台，悄悄到他身边查看。

该生忙了一阵，觉得气氛不对，猛抬头，见老师正笑嘻嘻地对他说：“你觉得你用英语做笔记比用汉语记得快？”

１６、三品

考试结束后，三个同学在一起诉起苦来。

甲说：“我语文课考得不好，老师说我是废品。”

乙说：“我体育课跟不上，老师说我是次品。”

丙说：“我政治课不及格，老师说我是危险品。”

１７、妙解

一次语文课上，老师向同学们解释“惊惶失措”、“不知所云”、“如释重负”、“一如既往”四个成语。

恰巧，某学生正在呼呼大睡。教授一拍桌子，该生顿时坐起来，拿起书便看，老师说：“这便是惊惶失措。”

接着，老师让他回答问题，他站起来支支吾吾了半天。这时老师说：“这便是不知所云，请坐！”

这位同学长长地舒了一口气坐了下来。

老师又说：“这便是如释重负。”

等老师走上讲台，那同学又趴下睡觉。老师猛一转身，指着他说：“这便是一如既往。”

１８、家庭作业

下课后，老师对伊万说：“让你爷爷来学校一趟。”伊万问老师：“老师，不需要叫我爸爸来吗？”

老师：“不，伊万，叫你爷爷来就可以了。我要告诉他，他儿子在你的家庭作业里做错了一些题。”

１９、数到一百再说

上课了。老师背靠火炉站着，对学生们说：“说话前要三思，起码数到五十下，重要的事情要数到一百下。”

学生们争先恐后数起来，最后不约而同地爆发出“九十八、九十九、一百。老师，您的衣服着火了。”

２０、鲜花怒放

老师问周媛：“蜜蜂给花园增加了生气是什么意思？”

周媛答：“蜜蜂偷花，花儿生气呗！”

大家听了哄堂大笑。周媛辩驳道：“要是鲜花不生气，哪来的‘鲜花怒放’呢？”